She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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