my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
