We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
