Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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