just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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