How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
