I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
