Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
