Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
