i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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