he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
