Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
