I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
