She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
