Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
