Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
