I look better un-naked...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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