What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
