You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
