turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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