I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
