Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
