sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
