I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
