So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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