the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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