The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
