Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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