We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You've changed since you got that strap on
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
