Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
