Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
