Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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