i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
