Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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