I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
