Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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