im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
