Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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