Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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