Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
