it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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