nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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