I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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