Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
