her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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