so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
