I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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