evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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