I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk is not a location!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
