Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
