i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
