Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
