then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
