I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
