I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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