his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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