I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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