I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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