Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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