You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
