Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
