My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
