Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
