just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
