bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
