I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
