Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
